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The Nintendo Bracket Face-Off

The Nintendo Bracket Face-Off

Round One

Samus Aran Vs. Ryu
Anyone who’s played Street Fighter II knows that Ryu tends to fight very defensively – he’ll wedge himself into a corner, launch fireballs for all eternity, and smack his opponents with a Dragon Punch if they get too close. A good long range attack might come in handy against Samus – whose primary weapons are ranged – but it would only last until Samus got fed up, rolled under the fireball volley, and planted a few bombs right at Ryu’s feet. Besides, even if Samus decided to move closer to Ryu via air instead of rolling under his fireballs, there’s no way in hell the Dragon Punch would ever survive her Screw Attack.
Winner: Samus

Kirby vs. Pac-Man
An interesting matchup at first glance because both are round and have bottomless stomachs. Pac-Man would use a power pellet to become invincible, but then again, Kirby can ALSO become invincible, and there’s only so much effect throwing a few dots can have on a flying pink puffball who specializes in blue magic.
Winner: Kirby

Mega Man vs. Bonk
Bonk can fly. Mega Man can’t. Unfortunately, since neither character – not even Bonk in Air Zonk mode – has the capability of multidirectional firing, this fight is going to be settled on the ground, where Bonk is at a huge disadvantage. He might be able to freeze Mega Man long enough to get a little closer, but his instant-roast fire breath is short range, and Bonk will be swiss cheese just before he’s close enough to use it.
Winner: Mega Man

Simon Belmont vs. L-block
L-block is four squares of solid slamming power! Usually, this would be an enormous help for Simon, because he’s capable of throwing bottles of holy water that decimate blocks. Unfortunately for simon, though, he never could get his sub-weapons to fire at angles, which is going to be a problem with L-block falling on him from above.
Winner: L-block

Round Two

Mario vs. L-block
It’s established fact that L-block is most effective while falling onto the playing field from above. It’s also well established that Mario can rather easily make mincemeat of blocks by slamming into them from below. Granted, Mario is only able to do that in his larger form, under mushroom power, but I’m assuming here that he is, since my established rule list says all powers are taken into consideration. Mario is making quick work of L-block, and taking any coins L-block might have hidden within.
Winner: Mario

Link vs. Mega Man
This looks to be a little bit of a standoff from the outside. Magic against technology, and magic is so broad that it might be able to sort of nullify technology. There is, however, a massive caveat to Link’s usage of time: He has to be in the right spot in order to use it. Also, while what Link is able to do with time concentrates on large swaths – thus, theoretically, enabling him to go back in time and kill Mega Man before his transformation – Mega Man’s usage of time is more immediate and minute. He can slow it down and stop it. Time-stopped Link is looking awfully vulnerable, and thus we have the deciding factor of an incredible contest.
Winner: Mega Man

Samus Aran vs. Kirby
Yes, Kirby is quite capable of swallowing Samus whole and absorbing her powers. That, however, is only provided that once Samus is in Kirby’s stomach, she isn’t going to either: 1 – Roll into a ball and drop a slew or bombs; or 2 – Stay full-sized and use the Screw Attack or her ice beam to freeze up his innards. And since Samus’s suit is acid-resistant, there’s no hope of him digesting her.
Winner: Samus

Round Three

Mario vs. Mega Man
Mario got the first round off so he gets to fight again now. And the poor plumber is going up against Mega Man. This is going to be a long, hard fight because Mario has that statue ability from his tanooki suit, and he’s also very good with a well-placed fireball. Mega Man uses a handful of different shields, though, like the Leaf Shield and the Skull Barrier as well as the standard Force Field, and many of them can be used offensively as well as defensively, at least to a point. Mario is somewhat naked out there, even at his most powered-up. Mario is powerful, but Mega Man has an answer for everything Mario can throw at him, and he can easily fight defensively to wear out Mario before making the killing blow.
Winner: Mega Man

Nintendo Bracket Championship

Samus Aran vs. Mega Man
Mario can be hurt during one of his mighty jumps, but I’m not seeing how Samus can be hurt during one. The Screw Attack is so powerful that it’s known to destroy obstacles as well as enemies, and I don’t think any of the barriers Mega Man is able to erect would be able to endure it. It destroys floors and ceilings too, for god’s sake! There’s little doubt Samus would be pretty reliant on it in a deathmatch with Mega Man, and supposing this, it’s pretty easy to imagine her being in Screw Attack position when Mega Man gets fed up and whips out the Time Stop. It’s also pretty easy to see Samus freezing Mega Man in place with the Ice Beam before then, however, since the Ice Beam is used concurrently with every other weapon in her arsenal, and Samus also has multidirectional aiming. So if Mega Man froze Samus in the air, his single-directional Mega Buster would still require him to jump, as well as power up the weapon for a big hit first, and that weakness is going to cripple him. If and when Samus freezes Mega Man, her biggest delay is a few steps into position, activating the rocket launcher, and BOOM! Bye bye Mega Man. This is an insanely close call, but I’m making it for Samus.
Nintendo Bracket Champion: Samus Aran


About Nicholas Croston

I like to think. A lot. I like to question, challenge, and totally shock and unnerve people. I am a contrarian - whatever you stand for, I'm against.

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